AF was due today

I was due for AF today but so far no sign of her. I started taking testing yesterday and on 2 different brands (3 seperate tests) I got a VERY faint positive. Still, it looks more like an evap to me. The thing is, they all came up within the time limit. My temp dropped a bit today but is still way above my coverline. I guess tomorrow holds everything. If my temp drops at ALL tomorrow, I know AF is on her way.

Im not very hopeful about it but I want it more then I can even put into words. I'll update you guys sometime tomorrow. Either my temp will drop and i'll await the arrival of AF, or it will stay the same (if im lucky it will rise) and i'll test. No matter what, i'll update you!

Just need to vent!

Im a member of a forum that I normally enjoy very much. I was recently given the task of taking over a daily list, and I was thrilled. I've wanted to take over the list for quite some time now. Seems like everyone who takes over it, gets a BFP right away.

Well, yesterday I posted the list as usual and went about my day. One of the girls was pointing out that I made a mistake with her info but she was kinda like "wtf" about it. I posted to let her know it would be fixed and that I had no idea the info was wrong. It was like that when the list was given to me and without her updating me on the status of it, I kept it that way thinking it was correct.

So, later on, she starts criticizing me over and over again. A lot of the other girls took notice and made a point of saying how well im doing and basically her comments like that aren't warranted.

I eventually asked this person to leave the thread since she was being so negative. I apologized several times and even fixed her info so it would be ready for today's update. After that I contacted a mod and asked that they speak with her (not punish her just speak with her) about her negativity.

WELL, so much for keeping my mouth shut and doing the right thing! They took the list away from me even though other people complained about this girl. WTF? Someone else screws up, I follow the forum rules and contact a mod, and I get punished! Nice huh?

I told the mod that I really enjoy doing this list and that I feel it will bring me good luck getting a BFP. Well, she shot that down and said the list doesn't get people BFP's and we both know that. So f'n what? It gave me hope!

I really shouldn't get pissed off over forum BS, but I was so looking forward to this. I got up super early just to make sure the list was updated for everyone before they headed out to work.

So anyway, after going back and forth about this with a mod, I was givin 2 warnings. I was "informed" that I better watch myself or i'll get banned. Sounds likes omeone has it out for me, don't you think? That's fine though. Karma is a bitch. I learned that the hard way and im sure the people involved with this will learn it as well.

That's all..

I'm so proud of myself!

Im going on vacation June, and I felt the need to get back into shape. I've been wanting to for a while but never found the motivation. Not until we booked the trip. I started eating foods lower in fat a few weeks ago, but only started back and the gym last week.

Well, Since all of this started, i've lost a total of 12 pounds! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT??!! What a huge difference already! I've bene working out hard, but I didn't think it was enough to lose that much weight so fast. I mean, before going back to the gym this past wednesday, I had lost 9 pounds. Now, only a few days later, i've lost another 3 pounds! That's AWESOME! Im so proud of myself!

This has helped me to not stress over getting PG. I wanna be healthy and feel good about myself and obviously im feeling pretty good so far. As much as id love to be pregnant again, I really want to drop the weight and tone up. So, if I get pregnant of course i'll be happy, but if not...im ok with that. Either way I have soemthing to look forward to!

About friggin time!

Well, I finally ovulated 4 days ago. Im now in the 2ww. Im not gonna test though. Not unless AF is late. She's due to arrive in 9 days. If she doesn't show I will test the day after (May 1st).

If it happens, that's great! If not, i'll be just fine. Im enjoying working out and getting back in shape. I feel somuch better about myself since im going back to the gym and taning again. It feels good to be motivated. Gotta love those endorphins lol

Carnival Pics

As I promised earlier, I took pics of the kids at the carnival today. They had so much fun! Check it out...

Here's where I stand

DF took the kids and I to the carnival again today. We didn't have a lot of cash with us when we went last night so we wanted to come back today and enjoy it. While we were there, DF's dad called and said he's trying to switch around his time share so we can go with them to disney in June. If he can switch it for 2 studio's instead of 1 big room, we're gonna go.

On the way home DF and I were talking and I really feel that it's time to TAB. He said it's my decision and will support me no matter what. As much as we want children, I want to be able to enjoy our vacation. I cant ride any rides while im pregnant and I can't drink. I've never been to pleasure island and i'd REALLY like to go and ENJOY it.

We'll still have unprotected sex, but only when we feel like it...not because we're TTC. I'll still temp so I keep an eye on AF (dont want a surprise in public if you know what I mean) but other then that...I need a break.

If his dad can't switch around his timeshare, then we're probably not gonna go to disney. If that's the case then we'll start TTC again sooner. I really want to go though.

This also gives me motivation to drop more weight. I've lost 9 pounds so far and i'd like to lose another 15 or more before Disney (if we get to go). No matter what, we're TAB this cycle. Figures that my 2nd order of pre-seed came today LOL.

Im happy with my decision to wait. I think we need to start again when im refreshed. Having this time will let me lose weight, enjoy vacation, and even try to stop smoking. If i stop before conceiving, I wont have to worry about quitting cold turkey and then stressing out when I go through withdrawls. Lord knows I don't need that stress while pregnant. The last thing I wanna do is give my body a reason to m/c.

I'll still be here updating you guys but I wont be actively trying to get pregnant.

Anyway, that's where I stand. When things change and i'm ready to start trying again, i'll definately let you all know asap!

Who knows...maybe i'll get PG a the "magic" kingdom

CD26 and counting

Still no sign of O. I don't know what's going on with my body, but im at the point where I am giving up for the month. I should have hit peak on my monitor 8 days ago, and O'd 6 days ago. Neither has happened. I've wasted so many test sticks, and endured so much stress with this.

Im taking the kids out for the day. There's a carnival in town so we're gonna go. We went last night for a short while, but we didn't bring enough cash, and it started storming. So, off we go again.

I'll try and take some pics while we're out.

I can't believe this!

DF and I have been super excited to keep TTC. We're ready to get PG again as soon as possible. Well, we've been BD every other day since CD8, and waiting to hit peak (so we can BD 3 consecutive days). Sadly, that's not happening. I should have hit peak on my monitor 4 days ago. I've yet to O (even though the doc said my cycle should be normal since I m/c'd so early) and im going insane. How can we get PG again if I don't O?

To make matters worse, I have strep throat. My throat feels raw. I can't understand for the life of me, why bad shit always happens. What kind of hex has been placed upon me? Each day I test and still see no peak, I feel more and more depressed.

How is it that those who don't want children, can conceive immediatly without trying, and those who want children spend months, or years trying with no success? It just doesn't make sense.

Why was our baby taken from us? We could have given him/her such a great life, filled with never ending love.

DD's Pageant

DD's first pageant was on Satruday night. She did so well! Unfortunately she didn't place, but this was her first time so that's to be expected. Oddly enough, she was the only girl there who actually looked like a pageant girl, the rest of them looked like they were going to church. They had plain walmart looking dresses on. I've never in my life seen a pageant where they dressed like that. So weird!

Even though DD didn't win, she was so happy to be there. She has such a positive outlook on everything. DS said to her "Im sorry you didn't win" and she said "yes I did, look at my medal" (all contestants get a medal just for participating). She was one of the few girls who didn't cry over not being chosen. She's a tough cookie.

On the way home I asked her if she liked it enough to do it again, and she smiled so big and said "YES!!". So, im going to find out what other pageants there are locally that I can enter her into.

Here are some pics from the pageant. A lot of them didn't come out to well because of the poor lighting there. These are the best ones.