OMG im in shock!!

Im literally in shock! I just got a call from my mom. The WORST call EVER! After her making sure I was sitting down (Several times), she dropped the news. The news that ripped out what was left of my heart.

My sweet cousin Brandon.........oh God I cant even say it. It makes it to real... He's........he's dead! I don't know the whole story yet. All I know is that he shot himeself, either last night or tonight. It was an accident! How could this happen?!?!?! He is..I mean..was (OMG NO!) only 21 years old. How can my closest relative be gone? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Why does everyone and everything is my life have to be taken away?!?!

I was supposed to see him in 2 weeks whil in Florida. OH GOD! I'll never see him again. ***cries*** We did so many fun things together. I'll never forget how amazing he was and how he made me laugh. ***cries*** Why did God take him from me too??

Im sorry, I cant finish typing this right now. I need to get my head together.

16 pounds down!

I weighed myself just a few minutes ago and I dropped even MORE weight. Im down 16 pounds so far! That's awesome! I feel great about it! As long as I stay focused like I have been (which I will) I will reach my goal in no time!

Im doing the happy dance right now lol. Thank goodness tomorrow is Monday. I get to go back to the gym. That means more pounds will be coming off soon. YIPEEE!!!!!

That's all for now, just wanted to say woohoo!

A few neat pics

Ds did so well at his t-ball game today. They rotated him between second and third base. He really enjoyed that. Normally he plays left or center field. Im so glad he's enjoying t-ball. Hopefully he'll stick with it and wanna move to baseball next season.

Anyway, after we left the game, I thought it would be neat to take the kids by the set of Evan Almighty (the sequal to Bruce Almighty). They're filimg out here in Crozet (only a few minutes from the field) so we went.

I took a few photos while on set but there wasn't a whole lot going on today. The move have been delayed a bit for 2 reasons. One, Steve Carell injured himself while filming last week so he's on crutched. Two, the arc they built (to mimic noah's arc) was about done when one of the morons on set, screwed up and broke the bow off the front. They're rebuilding that right now. This boat is HUGE. The whole thing is made of wood (except the bow which is styrofoam).

I took some pics of the ship, but also got a very nice shot of the house they're filming in. It's a beautiful home. The houses in this neighborhood go from $799,000 and up. With them filming there im sure the house will sell for even more since it's now movie paraphernalia.

Enjoy!

OMG someone hide me!

Well, I had the most embarassing moment of my LIFE yesterday! My normal gym clothes were dirty, so I threw on some old ones and headed to the gym. I did my circuit training class, then some additional cardio, and finally....crunches on the pilates ball while facing the mirror.

Well, after 15 or so crunches (in mid sit up)I noticed something. Something NO ONE bothered to tell me. Yep, that's right... a HUGE hole in the crotch on my gym pants. As if that's not embarassing enough... I DONT WEAR UNDERWEAR! So yeah, EVERYONE saw my "cookie". I kept wondering why this guy was checking me out all day, and now I know. I mean, I was even doing high kick during my class. UGH, im so embarassed!

There is a good side to it all. I lost another 2 pounds this week. That's a total of 14 pounds! Im very proud of myself for sticking to this and going for it. Obviously the scle says im doing well, even though I cant physically see it. Apaprently others can though.

One of the girls at the gym (who has an amazing body) approached me yesterday to say "wow, you've lost like 4 inches since I saw you 3 weeks ago!". That made me feel soooooo good. I mean I have to be doing something right, for some random person to come up to me and take notice. It's just more motivation!

Well I gotta run, DS has a t-ball game today and we have to be there in 20 minutes for warmups.....and so starts another day lol.

Big update (and lots of pics)

Well, as you can see it's been quite a while since I updated. I've been super busy with the kids, amongst other things.

Thursday was my son's 8th birthday. I cannot believe he's that old already. Where had the time gone??? He's not a baby anymore :( We had his party on Saturday after his t-ball game (he did WONDERFUL by the way). I had a pirate ship cake made which looked wonderful, skull cups, pirate tattoos, treasure chest bubbles, and pirate hats. I took a few pics (seen below), but I couldn't get to many. I was busy setting everything up and serving the kids.

After the party was over, I ran a few errands and then had to rush home to get my daughter ready for her first ballet recital. She looked like a little princess. Before we left, I snapped a few pics in the front yard and then off we went. She did an amazing job. She remembered her whole routine!! I took as many pics as I could at the recital but just like her pageant, not all of them turned out that great. I took a few more when we got home.

I had made plans to meet with someone, but sadly they fell through. It was last minute arrangements so I can't be to upset. Things happen. Since my evening was open and I didn't wanna sit home, I took the kids to dinner and a movie. We ate at Red Robin. My son got to eat free since his birthday was the day before. Apparently within 30 days of your birthday you get a free meal, PLUS they sing to you AND give you a free full size ice cream sundae. He REALLY liked that.

When we left there, we went to see Poseidon. It was a really good movie. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. The entire movie was intense. None of that waiting until the last 30 minutes nonsense. I highly recommend seeing this movie. The kids even enjoyed it. Unfortunately, we didnt get out of ther euntil midnight. That way past their bedtime. Hell, that's way past MY bedtime LOL.

This is the last week of school until the fall. The kids are excited (obviously) and so am I. That means that maybe, just maybe, i'll be able to sleep in once in a while. Normally im up at 6:30am and I dont go to bed until 11pm or so.

Oh, I started working out again about a month and a half ago. So far i've lost 12 pounds! The last 2 weeks have sucked though. I seem to have hit a plateau. When I met with my personal trainer yesterday, she worked out a routine for me to follow that will burn the fat faster and kick start my weight loss again. YAY! I cant wait to be back to my normal size. I guess the stress of TTC, along with being on my computer most of the day, and not being active, really took a toll on me. I never really noticed until I saw a recent picture of myself. I was in total shock. That was a VERY rude awakening. So, I made a decision that I WILL lose the weight.

Speaking of weight loss, I decided to TAB from TTC. I wanna be skinny again. I want to enjoy it once I get there. Then, when we do finally get PG, I wont feel like a total fat ass, and i'll still be able to work out. I'll be a cute preggo...all belly.

Here's a virtual model that I made to represent my starting weight (after packing on the pounds), my current weight, and my goal.



As you can see, I have 33 pounds to go. I know I can do it though. It's been very hard to open up and share my weight gain. I've never been overweight before this and it's eating away at me. I feel horrible because of it. Well, I did. Now that i'm doing something about it, I feel wonderful!

Well, I think that's about it for now. Here are pics from DS's birthday party, and DD's recital... ENJOY!

My Beta

The NP called me yesterday evening to give me my beta results. Get this...it was -0.1 LOL WTF? I mean, how can you have less HCG then 0? Makes no sense right? Well, needless to say I am not and was not PG this cycle lol

That's all for now.

Yesterday

I woke up and took my temp (like I usually do) and it was exactly the same as the day before. It should have dropped since I was due for AF. Normally my temp drops a day or 2 before AF comes. Not this time though.

After looking at the thermometer, I decided to go back to bed for a little while. Well, that didn't work out so well. I got hit with HORRIBLE cramps and backpain. I curled up in a ball and tried waiting it out. That didn't work. I got up and went to the bathroom to check my pad (I wore one over night just incase AF showed). There was a little bit of blood but not much.

For the next few hours I suffered through the pain but still had no blood on my pad. It wasn't until I pee'd that I had more come out. It was weird though. Not like usual blood. It was so dark (like red food coloring while it's still in the bottle) and it had consistancy. It's like it clotted together but it was stringy looking when I wiped.

I started thinking about the miscarriage I had last month, and I was worried that it was happening again. The day before this I took a couple HPT's and they were all faintly positive (VERY faint). Not to mention how many times a day I was peeing. Yesterday alone I pee'd 14 times and only had 1 slim fast and 1/2 bottle of water (had the water before bed) to drink. I don't get it. There was also the nausea, fatigue, increased CM, etc.

Anyway, i figured it would be better safe then sorry and decided to go to the doctor. They first had me pee in a cup. That was nasty looking. A cup of bright red fluid with clots at the bottom (Ever time I pee the blood comes out). They did a pregnancy test but it was negative. The next thing done was an internal ultrasound. The NP said that IF I was pregnant, im not now. All she can see is a "thick bed" of blood and clots in my uterus. She thinks that the m/c from last cycle is what's causing this to happen. Apparently it really did a number on my body.

I was told that we have to TAB from TTC for atleast this one cycle. If AF is still like this on my next cycle, I need to TAB even longer. She said my body needs to go back to normal and regulate itself. DF and I are fine with TAB since we're going to Disney in June. I wanna be able to enjoy the rides and partying. So, TAB we shall.

We also discussed fertility testing. She said there's not a problem conceiving, but there may be a problem maintaining the pregnancy. As of right now they aren't overly concerned but she does want to consider doing a basic workout soon (checking for clotting disorders, progesterone, etc). If they exhaust all options there and can't figure it out, I will then be sent to an RE. That's down the road though. For now, we're TAB until we're at disney (unless I have a painful AF then too).

Well, that's about it. Nothing else new to report that i can think of :)