It's so hard today

It's been one week today, that our baby was taken from us. I can't stop crying or feeling depressed. I know in time the pain will lessen, but at this moment it doesn't seem like it.

I was put on medication to finish cleaning out my body (so I can get pregnant again). I started taking it yesterday evening. Basically it puts me into labor. The contracts start, and continue for the 5 days im on the pills. During this time, anything that's left over from the pregnancy will be expelled from my body. If anything is left there and it goes without being noticed, it can cause an infection or infertility.

The pain im feeling is awful. My heart is breaking with each contraction. The more instense they get, the more I realize this is the end. Why did God choose my baby? Why???

I was sitting here a little while ago, crying my eyes out. I thought if I wrote a poem to my baby that it may help me heal. Maybe it's working but all it feels like to me is extreme emotional pain and suffering. Im going to post it here so I can come back and read it anytime I want. This is for you little one....

Goodnight Angel:
Why did this happen
Where could you be,
It was all to sudden
you were taken from me

I try to be stong
but inside im dying,
I just can't fight it
again I start crying

Was it something I did
or something I said,
I'll never kiss you
or tuck you into bed

From my womb you were taken
in my heart you will stay,
I promise you angel
we'll be together one day

When the time comes,
i'll hold you so tight,
i'll kiss your forehead
and tuck you in for the night

I'll do all the things
I was never able to do,
I'll show you how much
daddy and I love you

So please little one
try to be strong,
you have to know
God's never wrong

You have a purpose
God has a plan,
until I am with you
let him hold your hand

Follow the path
He needs you to take,
As much as it seems like it,
it's wasn't a mistake

You were chosen for a reason
I have to believe it,
as time goes on
im sure that you'll see it

This may be goodnight
but not yet goodbye,
Now spread your wings angel
It's your time to fly..

Goodnight sweet baby (3-21-06)