God giveth and God taketh away...

I've been spotting the past two days but didn't think a whole lot of it. I know it's common so even though I was worried, I chalked it up to the pregnancy. Today however was different. I was bleeding red blood, and cramping quite a bit. The cramping started yesterday, but I wasn't bleeding then, only spotting.

I called the doc and they had me get a beta done. They weren't even gonna check me but DF begged them. He told them how much pain I was in and that I was worried. I needed peace of mind.

They finally took me back. The nurse told me to pee in a cup and to undress from the waste down. When I went into the bathroom, and took off my pants, I knew this was the end. There was so much blood. I cried out on the inside as well as the outside. I showed DF my pants and tried telling me not to worry. The doctor would soon be in to help.

Twenty minutes later, the nurse and doctor came in. He did an internal ultrasound to see what was going on. A blighted ovum he called it. Those words keep echoing through my brain. He said "there's no baby. There's a placenta and sac, but no baby to be found". I kept thinking "THIS CANT BE REAL. IT'S A NIGHTMARE" but it wasn't. He was talking about me..about my baby.

I laid there on the table, bleeding profusely and cramping, while he comforted me and DF. He was so kind and compassionate. He wrote me a prescription for Methegine. This will speed up the miscarrying process so it doesn't drag along.

I want this to be a bad dream. I wanna wake up and hold DF, tell him about my horrible nightmare, and have him console me while telling me "it's over now". I want to feel my baby kick, and hiccup. I wanna see him/her laugh and cry, dance and stomp. Most of all, I wanna hold him/her.

RIP sweet angel of mine. Though i'll never hold you in my arms, you'll always be in my heart. I love you sweet baby.